Oh goodie....

The in-ghost-believing, tribal-standards-following Salvation Army is refusing to hand out any Harry Potter books or Twilight-related toys citing 'occult associations' as the reason.

Fer shit's sake....

The Salvation Army bases its entire philosophy on worship of an invisible man who can be stopped by iron chariots, who orders the rape and murder of innocent children; who is responsible for thousands upon thousands of murders; who requires people to own slaves and who absolves those people of any wrong doing if they accidentally kill those slaves by beating them to death. If one actually believes the drivel that is the bible they are in MUCH worse shape than those who read the likes of Harry Potter, which they know is ALSO a fantasy - one that is far less damaging to people - children especially - because JK Rowling is nothing at all like the pope and his legions of baby-raping priests.

I hope you will all reconsider what you're doing when you're handing money over to these dinosaurs.... they haven't stopped once in all their history to consider exactly what it is they presume to espouse. They haven't a clue what they believe in and they don't know 2% of what's in their so-called 'holy' books - if they did, they'd stop with the ban on what EVERYONE knows is fantasy and burn the bloody bible!

And on that note, I'd like to reprint a great article by Calgary writer, Jeremy Klausus, who is a grad of my university and who has recently become a delicious shade of edgy in his writing;

Here you go:

A blog by Calgary freelance writer Jeremy Klaszus.

Calgarians and the Palin/Graham cause

(click to go to the original, which is way prettier in it's natural state)

Posted by Jeremy Klaszus in Klaszus Corner

Um, Calgary?
I know you're busy, but you know that shoebox program? The one intended to convert poor kids to Christianity? The one that benefits from tons of glowing local news coverage each year? The one you can't publicly question without being labelled a Scrooge? The one that you — yes, you — help support with your tax dollars — you knew that, didn't you? — thanks to the involvement of local emergency services (ambulances and helicopters!) that back the cause each year?
Yes, that's the one. Operation Christmas Child. Run by Franklin Graham and Samaritan's Purse.
Well, you might be interested in knowing that Samaritan's Purse trotted out none other than Sarah Palin to help give out shoeboxes in Haiti on the weekend. From CNN:

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin arrived in Haiti on Saturday as part of a humanitarian delegation led by evangelist Franklin Graham and his relief organization Samaritan's Purse.

"I am pleased that Gov. Palin will accompany us on a brief trip to Haiti this weekend, and I appreciate her willingness to visit Haiti during such troubled times," Graham said in a statement on the organization's website.

"I believe Gov. Palin will be a great encouragement to the people of Haiti and to the organizations, both government and private, working so hard to provide desperately needed relief."

Palin — along with husband Todd and daughter Bristol — "distributed Christmas shoe-box gifts to children, held the feet of baby cholera victims and offered solace to homeless quake survivors," according to AFP.
But don't worry, Calgary. None of this was political. Nasty reporters tried to talk politics with Palin, but she wouldn't have it. "The reason why I won't be answering questions is because we don't need to be getting political here today, okay folks," she said.
That's a relief, isn't it? Imagine if it had been political. That would mean that in addition to supporting Samaritan's Purse's missionary work, Calgary taxpayers would, in a roundabout way, be helping Palin in her endless quest for more, more, more publicity before the 2012 U.S. election.
And that would be kind of embarrassing, no?

I learned something new today.... More hilarity and falsification from the Catholic Church

I am never surprised by the extent of the Catholic Church's obsession with sex except for the occasional moment, where I say, out loud in my office, in the middle of my empty house, "Really??? REALLY?"

Such was the case today when I came across this hilarious, satirical letter written by a fun-loving, rib-tickling, thigh-slapping atheist. The issue in question was changes to marriage legislation in Illinois, where an "all-but-marriage" domestic unions bill was passed to the great chagrin of the baby-raping catholic church....

In his email to the (verifiably gay) pontiff, our friend, who calls himself Gen. JC Christian, patriot and assures said pontiff that he, Gen. JC Christian is indeed heterosexual and suggests that the pontiff's representatives in Illinois haul out the 'big guns,' being one foreskin.

Yes, folks, the big guns amount to a bit of dried skin alleged to be the foreskin of Jesus Christ whose own existence is utterly without proof.

The holy, dried up, alleged foreskin of christ.

This certainly lovely bit of "holy meat" does not have travelling papers beyond its discovery - in a shoebox at the back of a Calcutta-based priest's wardrobe. The holy dried jerky was subsequently stolen, alleges said priest (why are the discoverers of such important relics - foreskins and tablets and stuff -  always so bloody random and unknown?) and stolen by none other than the vatican - no surprise of course; they love their penises there, judging from how often they store them in the bodies of innocent children... but I digress....

The holy 'bit of bob' is now safely stored in a gilt-edged, glass tube and brought out at various high feasts and occasions now. I'm not sure how appropriate it is to bring such sausage casing out at a meal, given it's a bit off-putting and unappetising... . Read more on this story here, at Slate.

I should note here that the catholic church, which rule book is RIFE with idols and relics still clings to version three or four of the ten commandments (there's not just one set, you see; there is a bunch of revisions; even 'god' wasn't sure of him/her/itself with the first few drafts). - the part about not having idols and relics, seems, however, to not apply to the tubular leftovers.

I'm never sure how they get around their own rules but get around they do.... They do deserve some congratulations, however, for being inclusive; seems the catholic church, by engaging in penis worship (ok dried up bits of penis in their case) is channelling their inner Hindu - penis worship being a big deal (yes, pun intended) if you're a fan of Shiva.

Seems the catholic church not only stole the holy meat, they also stole the context by which they can worship said detached DNA...

I wait with great anticipation for the DNA testing...

James Barlow! Real AND Helpful!

http://www.mittas.co.uk/problems.html

This is a follow up to my post the other day about the appalling, appalling customer service at Bell Mobility. Things go worse before they improve, but improve they do.

James Barlow is not only a real person, he's a rare breed at Bell. He calls back; he actually knows what he's talking about; he replies with details - as opposed to the usual call-back asking for the client to repeat their problems; he tells the truth about what's going on.

The specifics are these: Two years ago, MRU established an association account for its alumni. Almost immediately, the person handling the association accounts abandoned their job; there isn't an account manager assigned to MRU either, so between the lack of anyone handling associations anyway and no AC for Mount Royal, the alums fell into the abyss... Bell has LOADS of those.

Barlow has called me by phone and has replied twice within 12 hours to my emails, all with answers to my questions AND value-added information in addition. He is also going to follow up with the appropriate people at MRU.

He has also provided the missing link, being the NODE number by which people can now actually GET a 'deal with Bell. Sadly, that's where things kinda fall apart. No fault of James's at all but what Bell calls a deal is not the same as what I and most consumers would call their offerings.

But, James did come back with a great deal from SOLO, so I'm going to have a look at that. I'm also looking at WIND, because $18 for unlimited talk and text AND call ID and message centre sounds pretty good to me!

Thanks James. 

Dear Bell Mobility. Mr. Barlow knows all about customer service. He should be your president.

Um, dear christians, doesn't your hate mail kinda fall outside the parameters?

As always, I am more than happy to poke fun at people who believe in floaty invisible men - especially the floaty, waring, hateful, baby-killing, child-rape-promoting, slavery-expecting, stupidity-inducing kind of invisible man of the judeo-christian bible and that other guy - the one it is though might have had a serious case of schizophrenia - of the islamic 'holy' book.

THIS guy, is the extremely well-educated, two honours degree-holding professor, Richard Dawkins, who writes all sorts of excellent SCIENCE books that the above noted fantasy-believing types can't understand but about which they seem quite content to rant - and to send forward hate mail, takes it all in stride, as he should, while exposing these 'christians' for what they are: uneducated.

Ahhhh christians. Always doing yourself so proud.

Click here for more hilarious, uneducated and astoundingly stupid

Fundie quotes:

Cell phone companies suck, generally, but some bring suckage to a much higher level...

Mount Royal University has been my educational home for more than 25 years. I'm proud to have been a student for all those years and proud now to be an alum. MRU has, from my experience, always gone out of its way to provide not only a great education but great ancillary services to its students and alum.

One of the partnerships MRU has is with Bell Mobility. I already have a bias, having been with Bell since 2004 and having found that company's customer service shockingly, unbelievably poor. This is not only my experience, I understand; the gentle soul I spoke to at MRU today indicated that their dealing with Bell had been 'interesting' with the full text "utterly hellish" being quietly inserted between the lines. Given my experience and my well-developed bias, today’s events, while frustrating, were no surprise.

There is usually reason to give companies a second chance (or 20th...), as staff and policies change; one can always hope a company will see the light and actually put some teeth in their supposed commitment to customer service. Or that they will hire employees whose vocabularies extend beyond “Whaaah? You’re from Calgary? Where’s that?”

Last week, I clicked MRU's link to Bell’s site. It leads to this PDF: http://www.mtroyal.ca/wcm/groups/public/documents/pdf/bellmobility.pdf

It is pretty simple to follow, if not very detailed. However, the appropriate phone number and website are both there.... This is where I'll warn you that if you're not good at frustration, those communication points are going to give you a heart attack.

To the PDF; the number included - the option 4 - has a full message box; you can't leave a message and there are no reps answering (there may not actually be any reps) but the system generously offers to transfer you. However, in Bell Land, 'transfer' means 'cut you off.'

Ok, try option six, for 'any other accounts.' There, I spoke to a rep who became more and more confused as the call progressed. He did not understand that Bell's PDF was missing the information he was asking from me. "How am I supposed to know that information if it's not on your marketing?" I asked him, to which he replied "I don't know." His answer to "If you were me and you'd found this PDF and done what it said, and you got you, would you be frustrated?" was met with a change of subject....

Ok. Try customer service. Nope. They can't find any record, internally or externally for Mount Royal and, even though the website is clearly marked on this ever-less useful PDF, Mount Royal of any flavour does not appear in any search. Oh, and 'Please hold," for customer service also means "Goodbye" so prepare to call back if you haven't yet bashed your head in on your desk.

The PDF is, I found out, missing a key piece of information - something called a NODE number. This, as I understand it, is the only way to even get answers about what is on offer to Alums. If you don't have that number, they can't even tell you if they HAVE an offer for us. Apparently, even a 'yes' is protected by Bell's crazy internal privacy policies.

Speaking of privacy, the named account manger for the MRU account, one James Barlow, has a 800 number -- which is not available in 'our' area. ... Apparently, even though the man is an account manager, everything about him, including whether he even exists as a Bell employee, is protected under FOIP... I think this is crap, actually; crap that actually means, "I don't really know where to start looking for staff members and I don't know how to transfer a call."

Anyway, I called again and used the voice-activated system by saying “agent.” This last call in got me someone who actually really did want to help. I can take it the poor guy has only been there a month or two and has not yet succumbed to Bell's corporate culture (try to make their heads blow up before you actually help them, and please, see that you do that within our 4 minute call rule, OK?) He found out that there is actually no record of any agreement with MRU. This is not to say there isn't one; just that there's no record of it, despite that BELL has provided said PDF to say there is….

My new friend (I was actually ready to marry him because he was so willing to help and must be a man among men because help is on such short supply at Bell) admitted that corporate complaints does not actually have a phone number - hardly surprising considering the company would have to second as much staff as possible to answer those phones considering the probable volume of complaints they'd otherwise get.

There is a corporate complaints fax line but who knows where the fax is; could be in the middle of some junk yard somewhere in Alabama, a la CIBC.... He also said there's no number for marketing - as in the marketing department has no contact phone numbers... also probable BS but what can you do?

But, he did give me a land line for the mythical James Barlow and that line rang AND had a voicemail box with room in it. I've left a message with the possibly-real James Barlow to let him know how much fun I've been having for a couple hours this morning... If he calls back and has anything other than "I don't know," or "What's your NODE number," to add, I shall continue this saga.

In the meantime, one of the newer entries into the Canadian cell phone marketplace, WYND, has some really, really inexpensive plans on offer - $18 per month for unlimited calling and texting. Whatever Bell has on offer, I'm reasonably sure it won't be anywhere near that good – and don’t let Bell sell you on coverage; WYND uses Bell’s network of cell towers, so if you don’t have coverage with them that is ALSO Bell’s fault.

It really is just that simple; Epicurius' recipe for a happy life

I've been playing with Stumble lately and have been turning up all sorts of wonderfulness through that site. Love it. Go have a look. It could be called a time-waster but then so are a bunch of those first-year classes I paid $650 each for....

This is what turned up first for me today. It is a very simple recipe for living life based on the idea of:

Tetrapharmakos

The four-part cure (tetra - four; pharmakos - cure) is the Greek philosopher Epicurus' (341 BC, Samos – 270 BC, Athens) remedy for leading the happiest possible life. The "tetrapharmakos" was originally a compound of four drugs (wax, tallow, pitch and resin); the word has been used metaphorically by Epicurus and his disciples to refer to the four remedies for healing the soul^[1].

The following is a description of each line as the Epicureans understood it.

Don’t fear god

As a prelude to "Don't worry about death," the concept of "god" in Epicurus' time was incompatible to Epicurus' beliefs. The worrying about whether or not the gods are concerned about the actions of human beings and the amount of observance and worship ascribed to them, was the general relationship of man's belief to the gods' purpose and temperament. But Epicurus and many other Greeks at the time conceived the gods to be a hypothetical state of bliss rather than higher bodies of judgment; they are undestructable entities that are completely invulnerable, enviable to mortals, and, most importantly, unconcerned about anything beyond the bliss and happiness they represent. They are mere role models for human beings "who emulate the happiness of the gods, within the limits imposed by human nature."

The Out Campaign for more.

Don’t worry about death

As D. S. Hutchinson wrote concerning this line, "While you are alive, you don't have to deal with being dead, but when you are dead you don't have to deal with it either, because you aren't there to deal with it." In Epicurus' own words, "Death means nothing to us...when we exist, death is not yet present, and when death is present, then we do not exist," for there is no afterlife after we die. Death, says Epicurus, is the greatest anxiety of all, in length and intensity. This anxiety about death impedes the quality and happiness of one's life by the theory of afterlife: the worrying about whether or not one's deeds and actions in life will translate well into the region of the gods, the wondering whether one will be assigned to an eternity of pain or to an eternity of pleasure.^[6]

[edit]What is good is easy to get

Sustenance and shelter, these things can be acquired by anyone—by both animal and human—with minimal effort, regardless of wealth. But if one wants more than one needs (over indulgency (sic), gluttony, etc.), one is limiting the chances of satisfaction and happiness, and therefore creating a “needless anxiety” in one’s life. "What is good is easy to get" implies that the minimum amount of necessity it takes to satisfy an urge is the maximum amount of interest a person should have in satisfying that urge.^[7]

[edit]What is terrible is easy to endure

The Epicureans understood that, in nature, illness and pain is not suffered for very long, for pain and suffering is either "brief or chronic...either mild or intense, but discomfort that is both chronic and intense is very unusual; so there is no need to be concerned about the prospect of suffering." Like "What is good is easy to get," recognizing one's physical and mental limit and one's threshold of pain—understanding how much pain the body or mind can endure—and maintaining confidence that pleasure only follows pain (and the avoidance of anxiety about the length of pain), is the remedy against prolonged suffering.^[8]

Simple. Pretty much right. Who needs a whole ridiculous bible full of contradictions, death, rape and child sacrifice?

The Syncrude Ducks

I am super tired of this trumped up story. It smacks of a smear campaign and either the national media is stupid or they're complicit because they have not been reporting anything that could be construed as balanced information.

So here's what I know from a total of 8 minutes on the phone with Sustainable Resource Development - the arm of the government that, among its jobs, oversees hunting, fishing and wildlife care and preservation in this province.

• There are something in the range of 10 MILLION ducks in this province.
• 40,000 give or take 5000 are taken ANNUALLY by licensed hunters
• a similar number are killed in a whole variety of ways including by being hit by cars and airplanes and by being eaten.

• Of the ducks that went into the tailing ponds earlier this week, 90% were Scaup ducks - diving ducks - which were forced to land due to freezing rain and, because of their breed habits, look for water - not land - to 'land' on. Ducks are dumb. They don't know that some water isn't a good choice. That lack of reasoning ability on the part of the ducks, however, isn't Syncrude's fault.
  

The person I spoke to at SRD says that last year they personally killed 1000 ducks for purposes of determining the extent of bird flu.

No, the tailing ponds are not clean and no, they're not very healthy for wildlife but the TRUTH is that it is utterly ridiculous to think that drowned ducks in the numbers that have gone into those ponds is any kind of disaster. It isn't.

As you all know, I'm a conspiracist. I think that Syncrude has been tarred and feathered and that the media is complicit AND that investigative journalism is dead AND that the current slew of reporters isn't asking very good questions nor are they asking the right questions of the right people.

For all of you who live in this province and benefit from its very healthy economy - an economy that is considerably more healthy that that of the rest of Canada ( and Canada is in good shape as compared to Europe), quit yer bitchin'! Our prosperity depends very heavily on the fact that this province supplies a LOT of oil to a LOT of places - 1/3rd of the US oil supply comes from this country.

If the realities of living in an oil-based economy are that unpalatable to you that you not only don't ask your own questions, you also suck down the un-researched stuff you read in the newspaper, then this is not the country for you to live in.

As for asking questions, if you have an Internet connection and a phone, you are in possession of the exact same tools any journalist has; if you don't avail yourselves, you are complicit in any campaign of disinformation that the media chooses to host.

In case anyone is wondering where I got my info, I simply called Sustainable Resource Development and asked them about hunting licenses and what the annual take of ducks (actually all hunt-able fowl - 76,000 annually, approximately). No, there's no link here. That's because I'm bugged that people can't simply put "SUSTAINABLE RESOURCE DEVELOPMENT" - in that format - into Google and find out for themselves. That goes for reporters too....

Calgary Mayoral Candidates Ignore Esteemed Colleage

Yesterday’s street festival in Chinatown was a brilliant affair and except for one error, it was a well-planned, very enjoyable event.

However, that one error left MLA for Calgary Buffalo and Calgary mayoral candidate Kent Hehr stranded at ground level and unable to join his colleagues on the stage. The organisers made no effort before hand or day-of to make the stage accessible to Hehr and nobody stepped up to help during the event.

Hehr is wheelchair bound due to having been hit by a stray bullet in a drive-by shooting some 20 years ago. That bullet left Hehr paralysed but has not paralysed his career or his civic involvement.

Yesterday, with the entire slough of dignitaries and candidates on stage, Hehr was forced to stay beside the stage, on the ground and hidden from view, unrecognized by the MC and excluded from the ribbon-cutting ceremony and photos of the event.

This is a glaring oversight and a slap in the face of one of Calgary’s most significant figures.

The organisers owe Mr. Hehr a public apology certainly as do Mr. Hehr’s colleagues. It speaks VOLUMES about the other candidates and dignitaries that they did nothing at all to see that their esteemed college was not excluded.

There were PLENTY of able bodies up on that stage and had any of them had a thought beyond getting their mugshot done, they could have easily found a solution to Mr. Hehr’s forced dilemma.

It is embarrassing and a very poor reflection on such people that they so pointedly ignored the needs of a colleague; one must ask how that ignorance translates to the lesser-known who also have accessibility needs.

I want to make THIS perfectly clear: I have nothing at all against any of these people personally. I know most of them quite well and like them all very much.

I don't ascribe any malice to any of them. I do, however, question how they could so blatantly ignore the fact that Kent was right there, below them all, while they were up on stage.

He is a colleague; he has been part of civic and provincial politics for ages and he had spoken yesterday, still from the ground, so they couldn't have not known he was there. I must say, the one comment I received so far today was of the "Wasn't Me," variety.

WHY didn't anyone think to make sure he had his deserved place on stage with his colleagues?

I hope some or all of the dignitaries and candidates who were on the dais yesterday will step up, acknowledge this oversight and make public apologies to Kent.

Druh Farrell

Ric McIver

Jon Lord

Wayne Stewart

Craig Burrows

Wayne Cao

Also on site: Richard Gotfried

Kent Hehr

Delicious, healthy and colourful; Heather's Salsa Salad

Last weekend, my friend, the brilliant and talented Cara Luft performed at a house gig in Calgary. Some of the guests brought food, including Heather, who's salsa salad was FABULOUS. So I begged the recipe.

I made it again myself last week - about 2 litres of it - and ate most of that myself, totally guilt-free because there's hardly a bad calorie in the stuff.

Here's what you need:

1 large can black beans and one of chick peas/garbanzo beans, rinsed

1 can sweet corn or 2 cups cooked frozen corn

1 zuchinni

3 Roma tomatoes, seeded

1/2 a large red onion (softball size)

1 each: red, green, yellow and orange peppers

1 jalapeno pepper: WEAR GLOVES - remove the seeds for less heat - and do NOT touch your face until you remove the gloves and WASH your hands. The seed oil is VERY spicy and strong.

1/2 bunch cilantro

Juice of 2 large limes. You can also add lime zest if you like that flavour

1-2  tsps sea or kosher salt. Table salt is NOT the right choice for this

1 tsp brown sugar (this brings out the flavour of the tomatoes)

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce (if you have it; not critical but a nice add)

1 Tbsp Sriracha, otherwise known as Rooster Sauce (or to taste)

2-3 cloves garlic (to taste)

You'll need a large bowl - 2 quarts or so - that has a good lid

The hardest part of this recipe is the chopping. Your goal is to chop the vegetables into bits that are about the size of the beans and corn. The cilantro should be finely chopped.

Chop everything up, dump it all in the bowl; mix the lime juice, salt, hot sauce and garlic and dump into the bowl. Mix well; give it a taste for seasoning but DON'T add anything at this point; let the mixture sit for a couple hours in the fridge to let the flavours blend and infuse; taste again for seasoning.

If you like things quite spicy, you can chop up some of the jalapeno seeds. like 10 of 'em.

If you do this, WEAR GLOVES. The seed oil is very pervasive and it will burn your skin, especially if it goes under your fingernails. Once you're done chopping and have stirred the seeds into the mix, put the stirring utensil in the sink and wash it immediately with soap/hot water. THEN you can dispose of the gloves. If you don't do this, you will instantly know why I suggest you do....

I serve this as a side with lime nacho chips. It is also excellent as a topping for baked fish or as a filling in chicken or beef tacos or quesadillas.

Warning. HIGHLY addictive. Super yummy and awesomely healthy. You will pretty quickly understand how easy it really is to sit down with a bowl of this delicious stuff. Blissfully healthy and really, really gorgeous to look at. I'd have taken a picture but was too busy chowin' down....

The bikepaths and walking paths: Hazardous due to dummies: Update

So, today, @6foot4design and I did a 60K loop around our city's south-end bike paths. Along the way, we encountered many well-mannered pathway users; a few people who were obviously new to the system; some whose parents never informed them that, in North America, we walk to the right (and some who didn't know which was their right); and a sprinkling of astounding idiots.

Yes, folks, amazing as it might be, the city's bike/walking-path users have not all read my previous blog or, if they did, they did not heed the part where they were to stay off the paths if they didn't agree with my rules.

Case in point, a chavy blond (this would mean over-done, takes-herself-for-jersey-shore type) who chastised US when we nearly crushed her tiny, unleashed, hard to see black dog that ran onto the path in front of us... Us: 20k... dog: oblivious; her? FACKING stupid.

I shall say it again, in support of the newly installed signage, complete with RED STOPLIGHT and "NEW" in bold peppering every entrance to the pathway: YOUR DOG MUST BE ON A LEASH ON THIS BIKE PATH.

Except that I love dogs, I almost wish I'd hit it, just to prove a point. But that would be mean. There's some poor man out there who, when he is finally bored by screwing that bimbo, is going to realise just what an immense chavy bimbo she is....

Dudes: If your woman won't take care of her little dog by making sure it is safe from being hit by speeding bikes on the BIKE PATHS, she's stupid. Move on; save yourself the divorce costs....