Thursday, December 02, 2010

I learned something new today.... More hilarity and falsification from the Catholic Church

I am never surprised by the extent of the Catholic Church's obsession with sex except for the occasional moment, where I say, out loud in my office, in the middle of my empty house, "Really??? REALLY?"

Such was the case today when I came across this hilarious, satirical letter written by a fun-loving, rib-tickling, thigh-slapping atheist. The issue in question was changes to marriage legislation in Illinois, where an "all-but-marriage" domestic unions bill was passed to the great chagrin of the baby-raping catholic church....

In his email to the (verifiably gay) pontiff, our friend, who calls himself Gen. JC Christian, patriot and assures said pontiff that he, Gen. JC Christian is indeed heterosexual and suggests that the pontiff's representatives in Illinois haul out the 'big guns,' being one foreskin.

Yes, folks, the big guns amount to a bit of dried skin alleged to be the foreskin of Jesus Christ whose own existence is utterly without proof.

The holy, dried up, alleged foreskin of christ.
This certainly lovely bit of "holy meat" does not have travelling papers beyond its discovery - in a shoebox at the back of a Calcutta-based priest's wardrobe. The holy dried jerky was subsequently stolen, alleges said priest (why are the discoverers of such important relics - foreskins and tablets and stuff -  always so bloody random and unknown?) and stolen by none other than the vatican - no surprise of course; they love their penises there, judging from how often they store them in the bodies of innocent children... but I digress....

The holy 'bit of bob' is now safely stored in a gilt-edged, glass tube and brought out at various high feasts and occasions now. I'm not sure how appropriate it is to bring such sausage casing out at a meal, given it's a bit off-putting and unappetising... . Read more on this story here, at Slate.

I should note here that the catholic church, which rule book is RIFE with idols and relics still clings to version three or four of the ten commandments (there's not just one set, you see; there is a bunch of revisions; even 'god' wasn't sure of him/her/itself with the first few drafts). - the part about not having idols and relics, seems, however, to not apply to the tubular leftovers.

I'm never sure how they get around their own rules but get around they do.... They do deserve some congratulations, however, for being inclusive; seems the catholic church, by engaging in penis worship (ok dried up bits of penis in their case) is channelling their inner Hindu - penis worship being a big deal (yes, pun intended) if you're a fan of Shiva.

Seems the catholic church not only stole the holy meat, they also stole the context by which they can worship said detached DNA...

I wait with great anticipation for the DNA testing...

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