Saturday, October 01, 2005

What is UP with Women Shopping?

Ok, so Jase and I went to Winners today. Winners is one of those places where you can find fab stuff, but you have to have the time and the inclination to do it. Believe me, the rude, rude people who shop there (I think they're the same people who clog up the aisles at Costco and Safeway) drive me nuts and they really wreck the experience for everyone else. OK. They wreck it for me. I have manners. I pay attention to who is around me.

I wish I could get this blog into the rude people's actual hands 'cause I'm pretty sure most of them are just oblivious -- which does NOT excuse them. I am constantly amazed at how clued out so many people are!

First of all, the aisles are very narrow. You can't set your cart in the middle of the aisle. It isn't allowed because you're NOT alone in the store. This goes for Costco too! If you set your cart across the aisle, how are other people supposed to shop?? Set it off to the side! Have a brain!

Additionally, you can't take more than (used to be six) - ten items into the Winners dressing room, so you don't actually need the cart.

And the shoes! When these women try on shoes, why they don't put them back on the rack when they're done. They leave them, not only on the floor, but in the middle of the aisle! What is up with that? Do they think their mother works there and will pick up after them? I bet these are the same Stepford Wives who go home and scream at their kids for not picking up toys. Sheesh.

Why do people walk down the middle of a large aisle and then just stop. Right there. Blocks everyone else. In England, I think because there actually is signage in the Underground with "Stand to the Right" on it, people naturally walk to the right as well. It really helps with traffic flow. Why can't Canadians do that?

And why don't people know that it is highly rude to walk in front of someone!? Why don't people know that? Imagine this: you're standing 18 inches away from a rack of whatever and some idiot decides they must walk in front of you! Don't they notice? I REALLY don't get it! Walk behind. If that is not possible, say "Excuse me please," before you walk by. Otherwise you look like an OX.

Back to the carts: why do women (and some men) bring tired, grumpy kids/babies shopping? Seriously, shopping is next to solitary confinement for children. It is NOT fun for them, mostly because these same stepford wives who don't put things back or hang up things they drop, won't let their children touch a thing. Seriously, a two or three year old is not going to enjoy sitting in a cart for an hour; not only is the metal very uncomfortable to sit on, they're bored! Yelling at them doesn't help. They still don't like it and those mothers look like idiots. Get a sitter for an hour!

And don't let your kid chew on some package. People don't wash their hands much, so not only are you letting your kid gum something up, you're also letting them eat other people's fecal matter and residual urine. Nice hey? Like I said, get a sitter.

And add to that, for some reason, these people bring their kids out when the kids haven't had a nap or lunch. Kids need sleep and food. If you're shopping any time between 11:00 and 1:30 or around 4:30 in the afternoon, I guarantee you your kid will be screaming in about 15 minutes.

The other extreme is those weirdos who let their kids run wild in the store. First of all, they're little; people aren't on their guard for them and they're going to be hurt for sure. Kids need to be under control for their safety and everyone else's.

Secondly, it doesn't demonstrate these people's good parenting skills that they'd ignore their children when there are so many strangers about. It is possible, even in a nice place like
Winners, that someone in that group of shoppers is not shopping just for clothing!

It escapes me too why these frigging desperate housewives don't consider for one second that the screaming child they are ignoring is annoying the hell out of everyone else in the store. If your kid is screaming, tired and hungry, go HOME! Man, some people are so selfish! On-line shopping is made for these people....

A temper tantrum
means you take your kid out of the store RIGHT NOW. Whatever you're buying will be there in 20 minutes. Don't let your kid get away with that crap and don't think nobody minds. Everybody minds. A LOT! Pick your kid up and leave. This is the ONLY instance when leaving a cart wherever is allowed. A screaming kid is far worse than a wayward cart in this case.

Besides, when people tolerate that crap from their kids, the kids are learning that if they yell and scream long enough, they'll get their way. Believe me, that is not a great habit to get into; it is really hard to break when it is your 15 year old having a tantrum when you set a curfew.

Here's a question: when a shopping stepford wife knocks something off a hanger, why doesn't she pick it up again? Like, does she wanna buy something that some other automaton dropped and left to collect store dirt? Not probably.

Lastly, perfume. STOP IT!!! Good grief. If you stink, take a shower. What is up with people. And why is it the more tackily dressed/over hair-coloured/whiskey-voiced/Tammy-Fay wannabes always wear too much perfume!? Believe me, we see you coming - right out of the 70s! Zellers is next door baby.

Here's how mannered people do perfume: they spray it into the air and walk through it. Really. Do NOT stand there spraying your whole body with scent -- because too much is not scent, it is STINK, and a very effective way to have everyone who gets within six feet of you calling you an idiot under their breath. Oh, and by the way, most men hate perfume, except for when it is barely noticeable. Less is more.

In my dreams, I get to hold shopping etiquette classes where I actually get to say all this stuff to a group of rapt stepford wives (yes, I know that's an oxymoron). I think, however, I will end up just spilling someday out of simple frustration. Man, I better not find out where they keep the PA in Winners. I might just have to use it!

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