Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Canadian Politics: Fired up but still retarded

OH the JOY! I'm so bloody thrilled to have something to write about Canadian Politics! We're so bloody nice that there's hardly ever a fight. But this week? OH MAN is there a fight going on. It's getting HOT up in here! Fun fun!

So, here's how this is going to go:

The Governor General, who has had her trip abroad shortened because the 'kids' are at home fighting, will pronounce that word - prorogue - which will suspend the scrap before the Monday deadline without actually disolving parliament - leaving just enough time for Harper to properly gassify the mess and light it on up.

The winter holiday will take place, as it does every year - meaning that the 'kids' will all go home to their ridings for five or six weeks - y'know, 'cause really, politicians don't work over the winter holiday.

And if you're wondering if they really will take a break, you only have to look at the red herring that's been dragged up from the dead: Karl Heinz Schreiber is back in the news today - one day prior to the re-entry of the GG. Considering that both Chr├ętien and Broadbent are getting front page at the moment, there's no reason to leave out Canada's fave political pugilist, Mulroney.

When the 'kids' come back, either everyone's going to back down because the public outcry will be so huge OR, Harper will push the issue big time, setting the stage for another election. Then, because even though he's pasty and boring, he's a grand strategist who will capitalise on the disaster this 'coalition' is (because as much as I get the separatist position, who jumps into bed with it if they're a federalist?), and he will set a very explosive stage for an election.

If that happens, the Conservative party stands to win big, seriously increase voter turnout and get a majority, because as much as people dislike Harper, they really, really hate the idea of having their votes mean absolutely nothing and seeing their tax dollars burnt up on three elections in two years.

Dion will then go the way of the Dodo, as he would have anyway. Unlike the dodo, he'll go with tail between legs but will make the occasional awkward squawk from the darkness. Jack Leighton's political career will end in disgrace because he should not have been sleeping with Duceppe and threesomes are definitely not allowed. If he shaves the 'stash, he might get a job somewhere other than as stand in for an aging Dudley Do Right.

In the end, Harper is going to come out of all this in a very strong position. This chaos is stinky and volatile but it's the greatest thing that could have ever happened to Harper's currently-minority government....

So. Here's the question: if, as Harper alleges, the NDP, Liberal and Bloq leaders have been in the back room sharpening their own long knives for the many months that Harper claims, will he let them all dig their own graves, dance themselves in and bury their respective parties' credibility with them? I think SO.

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