I must have a different outlook on loyalties....
Me: Hey, why do you have all these photos of my ex on here? Hey! Those were taken here! He was here two months ago??? Why? We've been apart for 14 years!
Mom: He's never done anything to me.
Me: Perhaps not, but he hurt me and the kids. He was convicted! What's the rationale for hanging out with him still? It's a slap in the face considering how much you know it hurts us. Don't you think it's a bit disrespectful to my current spouse who I've been with for over eleven years and who is the defacto 'dad'?
Mom: I follow christ. I have an obligation to be nice to (the X). Besides, ( partner) is just a friend.
I may be totally wrong in this, but unless a child says to a parent, "Yeah, we're not enemies, it's ok if you stay in contact with my X," wouldn't a reasonable parent NOT? And more to the point, wouldn't they not, considering they didn't support the marriage in the first place and made it clear they didn't like the spouse during the marriage and that said spouse was abusive and was convicted of assault?
And yet more to the point, doesn't a parent have some instinctual loyalty to their offspring, especially when that offspring has been physically hurt by said spouse? And doesn't it follow that said parent also has some instinctual loyalty to their grandchildren?
Dunno. Maybe I'm completely different, but if my child left an abusive spouse I sure as hell wouldn't be maintaining any kind of relationship with that spouse, especially if my child has said once "please don't." I'm pretty sure 14 years of "Please don't" should have made an impact.
For the record, it is nice to tell your children you love them, but they will not believe you if what you DO is in total contradition to what you say. If you put your 'relationship' with an abusive ex spouse, who lives 6 hours away by air over a relationship with your child, who lives 20 minutes away by car, you suck.