Monday, September 24, 2007

Stuff that's dumb

Kay, this is just a thought: why, if a person can love their children - assuming they have more than one and considering that every one of their children has their own personalities, is it impossible for that same person to perhaps love more than one other adult?

It strikes me as untrue that a person meets their spouse or partner and their ability love - or even to be attracted to anyone else - ends.

It doesn't. That's dumb.

Some years ago, I read a really interesting book, The Fourth Horseman, by Andrew Nikiforuk, which, among other things, speaks about why divorce is a modern phenomenon that has more to do with health than morals or ethics. In short, when there was little way to protect oneself from disease and death, one's marriages were often very short. The possibility of a 40 year long marriage was nearly unheard of until early in the 20th century.

It strikes me as a lot of spin, the religious circles' postulation that society is ever more corrupt, whatever that means, and immoral due to the reality that most people are quite sick of their spouse after 15 years.

Regardless, even for those of use who can't imagine NOT being with our spouse/partner, even after 11 years, as in my case, the reality is that a solid marriage/partnership does not preclude or inoculate one against falling quite fully, headlong into love with someone else along the way.

I think we in so-called modern society get a lot of trouble from believing that if we're in love with someone else, then we necessarily aren't in love with our current spouse/partner and so we must disolve the current situaiton in order to pursue the new one. However, that scenario belittles the intimacy of a long relationship.

It would be far better for people to recognize there is a fundamental difference between "I'm in love with you," and "I love you."

One of those is a delicious, heady feeling that is jealous of the primary relationship; the other is a deep, fulfilling commitment that allows the other, knowing the other is significant but probably not enduring.

It would also be better in all ways for people to realise that, if they're able to fully love each of their unique children, they must also be able to love each unique adult they might attach to during a lifetime.

Marriage or similar commitment does not cause us to shut off various emotions - or it shouldn't -- because shutting off the ability to love others also shuts off the ability and necessity of loving a spouse/partner. Better that people understand that despite being in a committed relationship, they will love often during their lives and that they should simply allow it with no expectations,


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