Illogical Statements

I would like to comment on two letters “Bitter” and “Zip it Up,” that appeared in the Calgary Herald on Tuesday, October 4^th. The link is www.calgaryherald.com. You'll have to cut/past to make it work.

The writer of “Bitter” implies that only teenaged girls produce babies afflicted with foetal alcohol syndrome or the related spectrum disorder. This is false. Sadly, mothers of FAS/FASD babies come from every part of society and from every child-bearing age group. To lay blame at the feet of teenaged girls is short-sighted and unfair. Such a belief allows people to ignore the realties of this preventable disability. It also allows those who fall outside that stereotype to continue hide behind their age, their status or their economic position.

On the issue of men commenting on abortion, “Zip it Up” includes the comment that men should keep their mouse caged. It is highly hypocritical for women to make strident claims for their reproductive rights, yet to continue to blame men for unplanned pregnancies.

If women are going to really and truly own their pro-choice stance, they must acknowledge and act on the truth that choice also includes doing everything necessary to not become pregnant if they don’t want to bear a child.

The median age for abortions (first and repeat) is 28. One would expect that, after a certain age, most women know what causes a pregnancy. This is absolutely an issue with an age demographic that knows better but doesn’t act.

Choice applies to both before and after the fact; however, choice applied before the fact will, in most cases, eliminate having to make a choice after the fact. A before-the-fact choice does little damage to a woman’s body and mind and certainly doesn’t leave another being dead.

The reality is this: women do have the right to manage their own reproduction and to have choices. However, women who do little or nothing to prevent a pregnancy have abdicated, plain and simple.

In a country where birth control information is free, legal and unlimited, and access to before-the-fact pregnancy prevention is available everywhere and to everyone, also often at no cost, there is no excuse for the majority of unplanned pregnancies. Far too many of those pregnancies result when women play Russian roulette with the bodies they claim to have dominion over. As such, placing blame anywhere else but on one’s own shoulders is simply wrong.

Women who ignore the extensive pregnancy prevention resources and choices available to them refuse responsible reproductive practice and reject responsibility for self.

Forks, Knives, Dirty Napkins and Where the Heck are your Manners?

This will be short.

When you're eating, your fork and knife, if you need to set either of them down, go across the edge of your plate.

Under NO circumstances should they hang off the edge of your plate like crazy legs.

The reason for this is that when someone comes by to remove your plate, if your fork and knife are properly posed, they will not fall into your lap when the plate is lifted up.

Secondly, properly positioned cutlery does not pose a dining danger for the people who might be sharing your table. Things left hanging are easy to accidentally hit. Imagine if your lovely dinner guest happens to knock your fork or knife onto her new, white, silk, Simon Chang trousers.

Elbows do not belong on tables until the meal is properly cleared. Your chest does not go on the table at any time.

Your napkin goes on your lap the instant you sit down.

Ask more questions than you answer. People like to talk about themselves. If two people in conversation remember these two things, the conversation will flow well and probably be very interesting.

Many people think that good maners are pompous and to be practiced by the well-to-do only. This is not the case.

Manners make you nicer to be around.

'Kay, I'm done.

What is UP with Women Shopping?

Ok, so Jase and I went to Winners today. Winners is one of those places where you can find fab stuff, but you have to have the time and the inclination to do it. Believe me, the rude, rude people who shop there (I think they're the same people who clog up the aisles at Costco and Safeway) drive me nuts and they really wreck the experience for everyone else. OK. They wreck it for me. I have manners. I pay attention to who is around me.

I wish I could get this blog into the rude people's actual hands 'cause I'm pretty sure most of them are just oblivious -- which does NOT excuse them. I am constantly amazed at how clued out so many people are!

First of all, the aisles are very narrow. You can't set your cart in the middle of the aisle. It isn't allowed because you're NOT alone in the store. This goes for Costco too! If you set your cart across the aisle, how are other people supposed to shop?? Set it off to the side! Have a brain!

Additionally, you can't take more than (used to be six) - ten items into the Winners dressing room, so you don't actually need the cart.

And the shoes! When these women try on shoes, why they don't put them back on the rack when they're done. They leave them, not only on the floor, but in the middle of the aisle! What is up with that? Do they think their mother works there and will pick up after them? I bet these are the same Stepford Wives who go home and scream at their kids for not picking up toys. Sheesh.

Why do people walk down the middle of a large aisle and then just stop. Right there. Blocks everyone else. In England, I think because there actually is signage in the Underground with "Stand to the Right" on it, people naturally walk to the right as well. It really helps with traffic flow. Why can't Canadians do that?

And why don't people know that it is highly rude to walk in front of someone!? Why don't people know that? Imagine this: you're standing 18 inches away from a rack of whatever and some idiot decides they must walk in front of you! Don't they notice? I REALLY don't get it! Walk behind. If that is not possible, say "Excuse me please," before you walk by. Otherwise you look like an OX.

Back to the carts: why do women (and some men) bring tired, grumpy kids/babies shopping? Seriously, shopping is next to solitary confinement for children. It is NOT fun for them, mostly because these same stepford wives who don't put things back or hang up things they drop, won't let their children touch a thing. Seriously, a two or three year old is not going to enjoy sitting in a cart for an hour; not only is the metal very uncomfortable to sit on, they're bored! Yelling at them doesn't help. They still don't like it and those mothers look like idiots. Get a sitter for an hour!

And don't let your kid chew on some package. People don't wash their hands much, so not only are you letting your kid gum something up, you're also letting them eat other people's fecal matter and residual urine. Nice hey? Like I said, get a sitter.

And add to that, for some reason, these people bring their kids out when the kids haven't had a nap or lunch. Kids need sleep and food. If you're shopping any time between 11:00 and 1:30 or around 4:30 in the afternoon, I guarantee you your kid will be screaming in about 15 minutes.

The other extreme is those weirdos who let their kids run wild in the store. First of all, they're little; people aren't on their guard for them and they're going to be hurt for sure. Kids need to be under control for their safety and everyone else's.

Secondly, it doesn't demonstrate these people's good parenting skills that they'd ignore their children when there are so many strangers about. It is possible, even in a nice place like
Winners, that someone in that group of shoppers is not shopping just for clothing!

It escapes me too why these frigging desperate housewives don't consider for one second that the screaming child they are ignoring is annoying the hell out of everyone else in the store. If your kid is screaming, tired and hungry, go HOME! Man, some people are so selfish! On-line shopping is made for these people....

A temper tantrum means you take your kid out of the store RIGHT NOW. Whatever you're buying will be there in 20 minutes. Don't let your kid get away with that crap and don't think nobody minds. Everybody minds. A LOT! Pick your kid up and leave. This is the ONLY instance when leaving a cart wherever is allowed. A screaming kid is far worse than a wayward cart in this case.

Besides, when people tolerate that crap from their kids, the kids are learning that if they yell and scream long enough, they'll get their way. Believe me, that is not a great habit to get into; it is really hard to break when it is your 15 year old having a tantrum when you set a curfew.

Here's a question: when a shopping stepford wife knocks something off a hanger, why doesn't she pick it up again? Like, does she wanna buy something that some other automaton dropped and left to collect store dirt? Not probably.

Lastly, perfume. STOP IT!!! Good grief. If you stink, take a shower. What is up with people. And why is it the more tackily dressed/over hair-coloured/whiskey-voiced/Tammy-Fay wannabes always wear too much perfume!? Believe me, we see you coming - right out of the 70s! Zellers is next door baby.

Here's how mannered people do perfume: they spray it into the air and walk through it. Really. Do NOT stand there spraying your whole body with scent -- because too much is not scent, it is STINK, and a very effective way to have everyone who gets within six feet of you calling you an idiot under their breath. Oh, and by the way, most men hate perfume, except for when it is barely noticeable. Less is more.

In my dreams, I get to hold shopping etiquette classes where I actually get to say all this stuff to a group of rapt stepford wives (yes, I know that's an oxymoron). I think, however, I will end up just spilling someday out of simple frustration. Man, I better not find out where they keep the PA in Winners. I might just have to use it!

Emillie the Dancer

Emillie:

So, my two other girls were highly miffed that I hadn't posted any photos of their stuff/accomplishments along with those of Alex's, and, as I promised to do so, I shall, starting with Miss Emillie, as we call her.

Em is the third of three daughters. She had a hard start -- the other two were pretty rough on her. Once, while they were all in the bath playing, the other two, being 2 and 5 and short on attention like most kids that age, decided to 'put the baby down,' meaning they decided they weren’t holding her anymore and just sort of dropped her into the water. They also used to like to draw on her with permanent markers and use her for their Fisher Price^™ inspired medical tests.

Emillie is highly athletic. At the ripe age of 18 months, she was already swinging upside down on our swing set’s trapeze. People used to comment on how muscled up she was, even then. Good genetics.

Em took up Irish dancing at about age 8. She originally danced with the Possak School in Calgary. At the time, my girls were in dance for the exercise and the social part of it, not to compete. Sadly, when the school abruptly changed their focus from "come one, come all," to mandatory competition, we were forced to leave, me being a single parent and not able to fund the cost of competition at all.

However, about a year later, Emillie joined Scoil Ard Na Griene, which is the longest-established Irish dance school in Calgary. It has produced, to my knowledge, 4 RiverDance dancers and a whole slew of Worlds and Nationals winners.

Joining the dance school was really serendipitous for Emillie. She'd had a rough go in elementary due to her being so talkative and social (read: not the type to put her head down, do rote work and never question authority. It isn't in her nature).

Em ultimately began competing with Ard Na Griene and has advanced quite quickly. There are a bunch of levels to go through: beginner, advanced beginner, novice, prize winner, preliminaries and open. She has a competition over the Thanksgiving weekend which will probably see her advance into preliminaries, which will also allow her to go to Vancouver and try to qualify for Nationals.

Last April, Jason, I, Alex and Emillie went for a combined holiday/competition tour to Montreal and Ottawa. There are two, back-to-Back Feis (pronounced 'fesh') down there.

In the months before we left, and on the very good advice of Emillie's instructor, Sally Houston, Emillie began designing her solo dress. Dancers typically have two dresses: a team or school dress, which they use for figures (group dances) and their solo dress, which they compete in otherwise.

Emillie’s design was a complicated graffiti pattern that I never thought could be made. However, I happened on Kim McCormack, who is both angel and wonderful designer. Her first reaction to Em’s design was “How cool. That’s going to look great.” Not impossible after all. With Kim’s extensive help and direction, the dress became a reality.

Em did really well in Montreal and Ottawa, coming away with 11 placements in the top three and four firsts in those, and a bunch of new friends to compliment her awards.

As of this September, Emillie has been volunteering with her school, teaching the little kids or the newer girls. She’s contemplating a career in sports medicine and so considering Kinesiology as a degree, but also beginning to look into what it will take for her to become a bona fide Irish dance teacher. Her mom is rooting for a three year stint with RiverDance.

Closed, Stuffy Spaces

Seen on the billboard of a Calgary Church:

"Truth turns sealed caves into tunnels"

Call me a cynic -- or claustrophobe -- but that does't make for much of an advert, really. Either way, you're stuck crawling about in a closed, stuffy space, probably not finding the way out and possibly being stuck going round and round for ever.

Tunnels are dark, damp and usually have multiple false corridors leading off to no place.

If anything, this quote hightlights the one possible true thing: there is no such thing as absolute truth. All truth has shading, false entrys and exits, paths leading to nowhere and often, many frustrating dead ends.

Probably not a great quote to use related to religion.

Poverty, Canadian Style

So I was reading the Calgary Herald yesterday morning and came across a great editorial on poverty in Canada.  As I am always fascinated by what people in this country do to become less economically endowed, I was very pleased to see a breakdown of sorts in this editorial.

Calgary Herald Editorial (note: this link is active until October 2nd only)
Here's a bit of a synopsis:
“A recent press release from Vibrant Communities Calgary, a wing of the national poverty- reduction body of the same name, asserts nearly one Calgarian in four is living in poverty, despite being employed. The group based its conclusion on an analysis of Calgary's low earners as reported by Statistics Canada.”

“StatsCan's figures reveal 112,000 Calgarians in 2004 earned less than $10 per hour, out of a total of 497,900 persons over the age of 15 years holding jobs. However, “it doesn't necessarily follow they live in poverty.”

What that report doesn’t say is how many of those people are still living at home; have another full time job; are retired and have a part-time job to stay busy, have a partner who supports them; have investment income and have a part time job doing something fun.

Sadly, although there are myriad reasons a person ends up with poor earning power, in an alarming number of cases, people end up with low incomes for reasons that could be avoided. Dropping out of school – particularly high school – is not a good plan. No matter what, it is a career- and life-limiting move.

According to an article published in 2002 in a British business magazine, fully 80% of the world’s millionaires don’t have a university degree. What they have is moxie and drive combined with having finished high school and usually a couple years’ college, trade school or university.

Of the many other avoidable things that negatively impact a person’s disposable cash and future finances, smoking is a biggie: one pack per day equals about $3470 annually, not to mention the added cost of throat lozenges, cold medicine, and stop-smoking treatments. Smoking kills a lot of things; a person’s drive, their brain cells, their lung capacity and their heart function. Ultimately, smoking often kills the smoker, who often has inadequate or no life insurance.  Smoking doesn’t contribute to being ‘on’ at work either: addictions tend to borrow a lot of brain time. Bad all round.

Drinking too much: one bottle of wine per day: $10 or so; that equals nearly $4000 annually. Ok, perhaps most people don’t have a bottle a day, and I have no idea what the cost of gin/vodka/beer is. It seems, however, and this is just my observation, that those who have less than they need are sometimes more likely to spend on non-essentials. Yes a person should be able to have some pleasures in life, and yes, many low income earners are completely responsible with their money, but dollars spent on ciggies and/or booze would go a lot further towards increasing income were they spent on education or an RSP.

Another money pit pursuit is gambling and bingo in particular. As an occasional and very reluctant volunteer (due to the smoking), I am appalled by the waste of money that happens in bingo halls. I paid attention at one event to the average sale: $37. Add to that food bought at the hall, ciggies consumed there (1/2 a pack for many participants) and the gas to get there and home. Bingo is NOT a cheap sport. Some people were spending upwards of $70 a night – and coming there three times a week! Even at $70 once a week over a year, that’s over $3300 annually. Now combine that with the cost of smoking and the annual cost of a university degree and books is landing in the huge garbage bins at the bingo halls.

At an event one night a co-volunteer overheard a bingo player saying “I sure hope the food bank is still open when we’re done.” Seriously folks, if you’re relying on the food bank to feed your kids and yourself, you don’t have money for bingo and smokes.

For the record, I don’t care if people smoke and/or drink/play bingo. I care that people smoke, drink and play bingo and bitch about how little money they have or how they can’t afford a better car or an education or to put their kid into a sport. “I claim bullshit,” to quote another friend.

Anyway, taking all this stuff as relative, if you compare the poverty cutoff amount in Canada ($20,337) to the average annual wage in Dominican or Haiti (about $1200 in a good year), it kinda makes a person reconsider what poverty is exactly, in a rich country. Poverty is when you simply don’t have enough to live on. I think if a person has money to live on, but chooses to spend it on non-essentials like smoking, drinking, gambling, tattoos, I dunno – whatever -- rather than shelter, food and clothing, then they’re not necessarily poverty-stricken; they’re just not responsible.

If you want to know about real poverty, go here: HAITI ARISE